My Life is Ridiculous

I have this issue where I hate to tell most people about my life, because, I feel like my life is so fabulously blessed that I feel guilty and awkward.   I was recently in Hawaii, for the third time in the past year, as a result of the hubby’s work.  A few weeks ago I quit working so that I can start hanging out with the toddler, and to me the fact that I could make that decision without much concern as to how it would affect our finances is likewise ridiculous to me.    And we’ll be looking for homes in nice suburbs far-removed from the type of place where I grew up, in an apartment complex.

My biggest complaint these days is a lost UPS package.  So when I get together with friends for lunch or dinner, sometimes it becomes difficult – after hearing from a friend who is recently divorced or separated, or just broke up with her boyfriend of four years, or one who works day after day as a nurse to cancer patients – to have them then ask me what’s going on in my life and not have much of a response for them.    To me, my life approaching 30 is exactly what I want life to be like.   I can’t even say it’s what I wanted life to be like, because I would have never believed in my wildest dreams that life could be this good for me.   And as I write this I fear that it will one day fall apart and come crumbling down, because life cannot possibly be this good.   The hubby tells me I always think the worst is going to happen and he’s absolutely right.

I’ve shared these feelings with a friend of mine, one who likewise felt quite happy with her 30-something-ness, and her response was that I need to allow myself to be happy, that I deserved it and it was finally my turn as it is hers.   She and I didn’t have the most perfect childhoods.  My dad passed away when I was 14 years old and was sick for years leading up to that.   She had her own family issues.  We are both now happily married to wonderful, intelligent, humorous men who we love and are each blessed with children who we adore.  And I am likewise blessed to have a friend who understands my feelings on this and doesn’t think I’m crazy!

Does anyone else either mistrust or feel guilt associated with their happiness and blessings?

Until next time,

Lorelei

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